he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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