He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
