I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
