mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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