Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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