What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
