I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
