Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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