what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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