big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
