My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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