he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
