you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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