just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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