I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
