It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
