so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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