there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want her autograph on my taint
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
