she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
