The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
