Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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