Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
