So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
