Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
