Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a search helicopter?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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