Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
