I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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