i just made my gag reflex go away.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
