The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
