6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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