my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My ass is underappreciated
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
