i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
