I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
