i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
