The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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