he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
