her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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