Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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