it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
