Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
