I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
