You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
