Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
