my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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