i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
