i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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