And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
