Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
