She said her name was "party"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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