One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
