I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no, he came in my armpit
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
